The End of the World (No Really)

I've been thinking about the end of the world. My partner and I often joke that we'd really appreciate an asteroid just coming along and wiping out humanity. That might seem pretty grim. And, sure. I guess it is.

But I didn't used to think this way. I used to be an optimist wrapped in a hard candy shell of pessimism and a glossy coat of misanthropy. Underneath it all was a feeling that while the future might be tough, humanity would come out on the other side. Like Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Lately, I've been more Star Trek Strange New Worlds, specifically Pike. I know our fate. I can see it coming. It's just a matter of how I take it.

I wanted to write this post as an ultimate bit of dark humor. I'm going to predict the end of the world. Or, more accurately, the end of civilization. Let's see how much I can get correct! You can all high five me if I do well.

• Overall, I think we have about 5 years until the complete collapse of human civilization.
• I don't think we'll go out entirely, unless nukes are involved (see below). Instead, we'll struggle on in small bands of scavengers, devolving back into grunting and trying to figure out how fire works
• I think climate change and resource shortages will begin collapsing governments as soon as next year.
• I think we're going to be seeing huge wars, collapse of the global economy, mass starvation and more within two years.
• Eventually, huge amounts of knowledge will be lost as people die, tech becomes unrepairable or unsustainable.
• If pushed hard enough, I think certain governments will launch nuclear weapons rather than face a collapse. I'm thinking Israel is the obvious one, but Russia and the U.S. aren't far behind in that possiblity.
• No government or private entity is powerful enough to break the completely self-destructive cycle we've worked ourselves into and no amount of "let's pull together" is going to happen and it's too late even if people did rally.
• I think hate crimes, racism, bigotry and prejudice will explode as people look for villains and scapegoats for their fears.
• Money will lose all value as banks and internet infrastructure fail and people won't be able to get access to physical cash.

The good news is that, unless the nukes thing happens, I think the Earth will go along just fine without us. In fact, I suspect Mother Earth will recover quickly and that new life will flourish without us. What sucks is that if I'm right, it's going to be a terrifying, painful, tragic end for most humans.

Also, if I'm correct, I'll never be able to prove it because this post will be lost to the universe. But I'll know I was right. And that is its own reward.

If I'm wrong. If civilization doesn't collapse in five years? Well, I'll buy you all a drink and have a good laugh. There's always the asteroid.