Fuck the 2nd Amendment

And you know what else? Fuck the U.S. Constitution. But that's a different post. Let's stick with the 2nd Amendment for today.

Every time I hear someone say something to the effect of "But it's my RIGHT. I have a RIGHT to own a gun," I picture some indignant old white man pounding a cane on the ground as he says it. Yep, you're right, the 2nd Amendment did give you the right to own guns. I'm not going to get into the whole 'well regulated militia' argument that some folks have decided is their battle ground as my stance is "Fuck the 2nd Amendment" in its entirety.

Let's go over the amendments in general, first. Most of you don't know dick about them and probably won't ever take the time to look them up. According to this poll, less than 20% of Americans know that the First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion. And according to this poll, only a third of Americans even know what the Bill of Rights are. I don't know as much as I could. However, I'm also capable of using the internet, collecting data, and then using that data to make measured adjustments to my opinion.

"So many words!"

Some of the Amendments are vaguely functional (the 4th for example or the 13th or the 19th). But most of them suffer from one major flaw: They were written by people who are no longer alive, who lived in a world that we don't live in. The authors of the Constitution, much like the authors of the Bible, have no clue - none - what life in Earth is currently like. That's not their fault. But it is your fault for listening to *anything* they have to say. You don't listen to Ben Fucking Franklin about the power that's running through your computer that's allowing you to read this. Why would you listen to anything that James Madison or George Mason had to say about AR-15's? What the fuck do they know about a country with 400 million people, 5000 miles across, populated with people from all over the planet? Hell, both of those men owned slaves and one of them refused to sign the Constitution. Neither of them thought women should vote. But based on their morale compass, you pro-gun advocates are going to plant your flag on the 2nd Amendment?

Gun control isn't the answer, you say? Well, let me make three requests of you, Mr. or Ms. 2nd Amendment.
1) Please explain this chart:

Please keep in mind that all of these countries have stricter gun laws than the U.S. Also keep in mind that these are just murder rates. This doesn't include accidental deaths, justifiable homicides or any other forms of firearm injuries or deaths.

2) Do you believe that firearms are the only way to defend yourself or your property? Do you realize that owning a gun doubles your risk of being the victim of homicide? Do you realize that owning a gun triples your chance of death by suicide? These aren't opinions. They are hard numbers. Feel free to peruse them yourself here:  http://annals.org/article.aspx?articleid=1814426

3) Are you prepared to take a life with your firearm? If you answered "yes" immediately, I believe that you are either unstable and should seek help or don't really understand the psychological ramifications of killing someone. Here's a quick read on that:  http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2012/06/experts_the_psychological_afte.html

Okay, so I probably have all of you hardcore 2nd Amendment folks in a lather right about now. Either that or you stopped reading awhile back. Let me take this opportunity to say this:

I think it should be legal for a citizen to own a firearm.

Also, I own a handgun. A nice 9mm that I'm very comfortable using. I'm a veteran. I also lost one of my best friends in the world to a gun-related death.

But that doesn't change the fact that the 2nd Amendment is an after thought piece of shit legislation made by slave owning white men 250 years ago that know absolutely jack shit about our world today. It needs to go.

In it's place, we need laws that presume we can't own a firearm and need to prove we are up to the responsibility on a regular basis. We need to be certified and registered with state and federal authorities. Our ammo needs to be limited and monitored. Our weapons need to be limited to those that are for sport or hunting. Simple as that.

(If you're now jabbering about defending ourselves from government tyranny, please know that I'm laughing. You are in no way, ever going to take down the federal government with any amount of your buddies or your weapons stash. That ship sailed at around the end of the Civil War.)

Let's stop arguing about what those asswipes meant when they cobbled together the 2nd Amendment and let's start thinking about gun laws that make sense in 2016. Let's start by looking around the world at what other countries do that works and stop pretending we invented and are therefore the experts on 'freedom'.

If you're still in a lather, relax, I'm sure your penis is totally adequate.  Except for you, Wayne LaPierre. You've never given a woman a real orgasm and you never will.